so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
