Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it was like eating out sand paper
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
