then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
