He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
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I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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