3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
