his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize