Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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