Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
