theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
