Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
