i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
