This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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