walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
