textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
