hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
