Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
