I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
