Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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