I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
