People in love make me want to vomit
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
