I want to walk on stilts...naked
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize