i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
