So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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