I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
