you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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