he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
