He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
