so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
