hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
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The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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