sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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