I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize