i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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