my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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