i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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