why didn't you poke me back
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
