I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
