That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
