Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
