she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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