Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
