Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
