Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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