someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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