I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
