I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
