Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
