Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
