i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize