Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
