omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize