Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
