Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
