Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she peed on how many people?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
