Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
