There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
