Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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