Kiss
Puke
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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