So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
