Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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