I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
