I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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