WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
