Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
