it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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