mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
