You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
