I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
