I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
