Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
