Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
